Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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