Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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