Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Randomize
