You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I need a beard to bite.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
