My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
