It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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