two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
