we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
