Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
