I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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