so that wasnt chicken after all
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
