Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
