Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I could make wine with my vomit
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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