Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
