He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
