she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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