So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
