i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I think your dad took our porno
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
