how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
