She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
