you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
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