I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
