omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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