were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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