There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
