Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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