Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
