but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
