Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
