There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
We need to rekindle our bromance
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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