CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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