i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
