Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
