Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
