I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
