Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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