he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Randomize
