no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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