I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
My vagina is officially offended.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
