I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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