i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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