i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Randomize
