I hate all girls vehemently.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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