I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
