Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Randomize
