I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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