Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
