That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
