how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
