so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
