you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
